For a moment the thought did cross my mind. Will he make it?
Will we hit the dust in spectacular
fashion? Will the car survive? That moment seemed like a lifetime. Some people
talk of seeing a bright light, others speak about hearing Darth Vader’s voice. The rest see flashes of their lives flicking
past like a movie reel. In the end, none of this happened, for my right hand
had held firmly on the cell phone camera, while the left was welded to the door
handle.
A few minutes ago I’d been admiring the Monte Carlo Blue BMW M5 parked on the flat pit straight, pointing
menacingly towards the exit. It had been growling with full intent and threatening to untie a tsunami of kiloWatts upon the surface, accompanied
by bellowing cushions of smoke. As it turned out, the M5 had a bigger vision
for me. In the end it needed my soul to keep.
“Threatening to untie a tsunami of kiloWatts
upon the surface”
Unfortunately for M5, my co-driver Phuti Mpyane isn’t a bowl of oats behind the steering wheel. As it
snapped on that sharp right hander, the one that’s claimed countless episodes
of dramatic exits, his nimble hands
were at hand so to speak, to counter, first, then again, counter-counter, then straighten
up, all within two seconds and two metres. Had I been cursed with a lesser
pilot my script may have been penned from a crowded room at Dora Nginza Hospital.
Of course, were it not for the fact that the M2 button was fidgeted
with between the time of my walkabout admiration
and the time of departure from the pit lane, none of this would have happened. Or
would it? Because on our very second lap around the tight Aldo Scribante race track in Port Elizabeth, M5 gave us a second bitch-slap across the face. Not at the
same sharp chicane though, but on the apex of the next bending left. Just to
drill it through our amateur heads that if you want to play with the King you’d
better to be an Emperor. Again, Mpyane managed to calm King down and cruise him
home in one piece. Twice this car tried to kill me. Twice I survived. See how it all went down by clicking here and here.
“If you want to play with the King
you’d better be an Emperor”
To be honest our driving instructor Danie Human, a highly experienced former BMW test engineer, had
earlier emphasised the need for the M2 button to be kept on at all times. In fact,
he’d repeatedly suggested we don’t touch it at all. “I guarantee you, the car will snap”
he’d said. Whether the fabled button had since pressed itself in phantom style,
or whether Mpyane fancied himself a stunt
driver beats me.
And why in the world does BMW see the need for such a button
anyway? I remember the previous-generation M5, driven by its naturally
aspirated 5.0-litre V10. At full wail (over 7700rpm) it sounded and felt like a Formula One car. Or at least
what I thought felt like one, since I’ve never even been in one. Never mind,
point is that car was track and race-bred. How could they improve on that, I wondered.
But they have. By the devil they
have. See, V10 also featured a number of special buttons for special occasions.
The M button there was for activating or deactivating,
depending on prevailing situation, either 298kW
(P400) or the full hefty helping of 373kW
(P500). In those days (2005) we thought this was the neatest trick since
Delilah convinced Samson she was all gaga over him.
“This was the neatest trick since
Delilah convinced Samson she was all gaga over him”
Yet, the new car also has a few tricks up its sleeves. M1
and M2, those buttons have their own functions too. To try and explain here exactly
what they do would require the editing services of an M Division engineer, access to which I don’t have. So I’ll just surmise.
Basically you set up things like steering sharpness, throttle response,
traction control, damper control and transmission
response through these two buttons. Our two track cars were set up such
that M2 packed the nuclear Pandora’s Box; the hardest, most carefree settings.
Nothing quite says “welcome” like 412kW of raw 4.4 V8 twin turbo thrust, mashed with a dollop of 680Nm of torque, spread as wide as the Nile between 1500rpm and 5750rpm. Grey clouds gathered
over the skies at Aldo as we subsequently circled around the dry track, and it
became clear as day that instead of taming this shrew, it would be us that were
tamed. The fact that BMW chose 9Jx19”,
265/40 R19 full front tyre/ wheel combos and 10Jx19”, 295/35 R19 rear ones meant there’s serious business going
on here. No fuddy duddy runflats here buddy. A set of 20-inch ones can be
specced off the brochure for R28 900.
“Instead of taming this shrew, it
would be us that were tamed”
There’s no doubt the V10 held a special place in my heart,
even with that SMG gearbox with no sense of everyday routine. M has remedied the situation
with the new 7-speed double clutch M-DCT
‘box which can be shifted through the two paddles behind the steering wheel, or
directly via the shifter to the
centre of the console. M Drive
thankfully also lets one determine how quickly these shifts happen. Like it jerky?
Go for it. Or do you prefer a more relaxed, and fuel-efficient programme? It’s
your M5 man, do your thing.
Speaking of fuel, BMW claims an average consumption of 9.9 litres of unleaded petrol over a
100km drive. At the same time, the 0 – 100km/h transit takes place in just 4.4 seconds. From my brief
guesstimations both figures should be nearly accurate in everyday driving. The M5
has a sensational take-off ability that
begins when it squats down for
traction through the Active M
Differential (LSD) which optimises
power transfer to the rear wheels, growls past the four round chrome pipes
and fumes its way towards untold
speeds. But on the everyday road it behaves just like any other car. In fact,
for about 50km through serene towns with 80km/h speed limits, I could swear I was
driving a standard, entry-level 520i.
“On the everyday road it behaves
just like any other car”
The absence of runflat
tyres isn’t the only thing that sets M5 apart from the mundane. That for instance, you cannot have certain optional items
specified is another character. High-end features from other 5 Series like the sunroof, a headlamp washer system
and comfort access cannot be had. However, we did indulge in sweet standard
items like Bespoke M sports seats,
Merino leather upholstery with extended features, exclusive aluminium Trace
interior trim, iDrive control system with an up to 25.9 cm Control Display, Head-Up
Display and climate control.
The V10 M5 sold 19 331
units worldwide, something like 2 000 short of its predecessor, the brilliant E39 that featured a 6-speed
manual exclusively. Where the V10 fell short was in everyday usability, no
thanks to the somewhat jerky SMG. That’s
gone now, we have a silky M-DCT in place whose own Jerkyl and Hyde character is but a button or two away. There really
isn’t anything stopping King M5 from
pushing over 25 000 copies over
the remaining 6 years of his life. M5 is not just a supercar apparelled in those
proverbial velvet robes. It’s an epic event that has spanned multiple, stimulating
retellings since 1985.
2012 BMW M5
Pricing
M5 sedan (R1 155 076)
12 comments:
This is too awesome!
I promise I'm wetting my pants right now.!
This is a beast
Hot like fire
Awesome piece, Mr Masemola. Here's the thing though. For some or odd reason, I am looking at my calender and the result thereof sees me quivering in my All Star boots with each day that passes.Hmmmm! :-)
@Mr Matebese: I always say it's not the car, it's the driver. This time it's both car and driver! Watch those boots!
I think this car should be costing more than this price, don't you think guys? i mean The way it's so awesome
All hail the king returns!
This thing is more than R1 million. I've already driven a 520d and it's a bit of a nightmare to park, even with its parking assistance. Now imagine it with +400kW on tap. MONSTER.
let's go sideways my chinas!
Amazing. Just Amazing
I keep reading this story over and over and somehow it feels like the only time I'll get to 'drive' this car. Well done guys, very nicely done.
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