THE STIG FINALLY UNMASKED? BBC SUES

Why is the BBC trying to stop publishing house HarperCollins from publishing a book allegedly written by the legendary The Stig? Well ever since a report from UK newspapers, including the Telegraph, came out to confirm what we’ve long suspected (that Ben Collins is The Stig), the legal stench has risen way past cloud 9.

That’s because The Stig is not allowed to say who exactly he is. Yes I know, some say he can lick both his elbows, at the same time. Others say one day he’ll get a road driving licence and leave BBC TopGear. We say he is Ben Collins, a former Formula 3 driver.

The papers somehow went through his garbage (where was the Protection of Information Bill?) and obtained records that state that he is being paid by the BBC in the capacity of a driver. The BBC has a number of drivers on its payroll, but none of them used to race 300km/h cars.

In any case The Stig is not allowed to reveal who he is. Not even the woman (or man – hey you never know) in his life is permitted to ask why he puts on that white racing suit and helmet every week. It’s in his contract.

The previous guy, Perry McCarthy, a once-off Formula One driver, got “killed off” the show when he began running his mouth off about how he was the masked driving devil. He was made to drive into a river, never to emerge again. Who knows what they’ll do to poor Ben when his tell-all autobiography comes out. I reckon if he can write a book then he can write about cars. Benny boy, come work for us man! We don’t pay too well but we get to drive some really cool cars sometimes. Give us a call ol’ chap.